What excuse do I have for smoking?
I started smoking when I was thirteen. Back then everyone was playing around with cigarettes, and it was largely due to my environment that I started smoking as well. When I first started I didn’t really breathe in the smoke, but it was only after one to two years that I really got addicted to smoking.
My first cigarette was a Matterhorn menthol cigarette, but I never stuck to one kind. I also tried other brands such as Gudang Garam and Dunhill, but my favourite brand is still Marlboro lights. The worst cigarette i’ve had was a Camel cigarette, it was way too strong for me.
Being in the film industry, that environment made me smoke even more. It was really the boredom of waiting around after setting up the camera and the lights that urged me to pick up the cigarette. It was a way to entertain yourself and a way to kill time.
However, that was twenty over years ago. I have stopped for at least three years now, and believe me, the journey was hard.
In the beginning I tried stopping for a few times without much success. The first time I stopped was for a year, the second was for three months, and the third time was for six months. In the first year, there was still a strong desire to smoke, especially after eating or after taking a shit. Sometimes I dream about smoking, but will wake up only realise that it was simply a dream.
I forced myself to think of all the excuses I had for smoking. Was it because I felt more alive? Was it because like air, I couldn’t live without it? I realised that no, it was all excuses. Many people don’t smoke and they are living just fine, and have found their own means to survive.
So, what excuse do I have for smoking?